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The Wordcraft Blog Letter #1

Something different

It’s my blog and I do what I want to.

A Blog Letter

And why the hell not? It’s my blog, my domain, so I can make use of it the way I like it. Cutting the middle man to get people to sign up for a newsletter sounds like a pretty good idea to me. Surely clicking the “Follow” button is pretty much the same than to sign up for information? And no interface is needed. Pretty cool, right? Why complicate what is simple?

I can publish dedicated posts, or I can post generic ones: the blog letter. Associated with the delivery format, where you actually get the blog post alert delivered to your email, it brings out the idea of the newsletter which then becomes a post when you view it through the browser. This is a relatively new concept, and I like it.

And a very down to Earth view

My idea of the world around me is a very generalistic one. Being aware of all concepts and how these concepts apply to our real world comes easy to me. I can get a quick gist of any topics thrown at me, and am confident that I’m capable to dig in and understand it in more depth but it bores me, especially if it’s a subject that I’m not very fond of, which is pretty much anything to do with numbers. :D.

I have a good understanding of all social, political and financial affairs, enough to get me through the system able to gauge the good and the written about society, but I don’t debate it. I also understand everyone comes from different walks of life and our perception of this world will differ, as a result. And that’s fine. Maybe I was brought up under a very Stoic education, but I’m very sure this obliviousness can also be acquired with maturity. It just helps me move on, despite the illogical sense of a situation that I cannot change. Levelling up in understanding, I like to think.

Minding my business

(Click on the images for the whole post)

#life

The last mile

The closer we are to the reality of having our own house the farther away it feels we are. Living in a rented accommodation limits our possibilities, therefore it forcefully narrows your vision. Because it’s not our house we cannot make any structural, long-lasting changes that we believe would be life-changing changes. Most landlords themselves don’t make changes for the same reasons: “If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it”. The money goes in their pot regardless.

#family

They agree to disagree

They have a main PC – which has been literally PUT TOGETHER by Gary – because he’s a legend of a nerd and managed to tailor it to meet their gaming requirements – and laptops. They are also lucky enough to each have their own tablets AND phones. Last Christmas, we got them a Nintendo Switch. So much entertainment to choose from yet they still manage to disagree.

#food

My 5 Cheese Pizza

The pizza that we used to ask for at our old fave local, the Cookhouse. It was either that or their amazing Tex-Mex. Lush! You can make it using white flour too, like the originals. I just chose to try the wholemeal flour to start introducing healthier options, and it’s working. Everybody seems to be enjoying and not complaining.

#goals

Living on the edge… of the white noise

I’m reading an article on my computer. It’s interesting. I don’t really want to be interrupted. I get a message notification on my screen. “Oh, it’s just my mum, trying to find out if Charlotte has gone to school today… I’ll answer it later. “ Whilst I close the notification, in the back of my mind, that message will be playing on repeat, along with other voices. I wanted to let her know she went, that everything is ok. I could do that at that moment, but if she’s online, that message is going to become a chat, and potentially turn into a video one. And that will drill into my time.

If I mind yours

and you have a hair salon…

Whether it is because the hairdresser meets your hairstyling criteria or – it has happened to me before – because you know the hairdresser personally or he/she’s a nice person and makes a real effort in reaching that so desired hairstyle, we all go at one time or another. Ultimately…

Next: Landscaping Services

Menopausal Monday #22

#jobbrowsing; #bored; #q&a; #121; #objectives; #professionalperformance

Back to Work

As usual, not feeling it, but I shan’t complain. It’s a clean, decent job, that offers good perks (work-life balance at this stage of my life is a deal breaker) and a higher pay for a customer service advising than for most Line Management roles in this sector out there.

The reasons people get stuck in Customer Service jobs for so many years can vary, but the combo between job security, manageable workload, and helping people is the big one, in my view. But we will always come across moments in our lives where we question whether we are happy where we are, or if we’d like to move laterally (to brush up skills) or upwards, if we’re looking for a new challenge.

Q&As, 121s, objectives and performance

Nobody likes to be assessed. It’s uncomfortable and it can be disheartening, especially if we have been doing what we’ve been asked and that might not be as visible as we’d like. In this sector, figures and the CSAT high percentage may not always feel enough. Meeting expectations is the standard. Exceeding expectations is very hard to achieve, as we basically need to be perfect to achieve it.

But in a role where you just want to feel secure and comfortable, I’m usually happy with meeting expectations. If there is nothing major to note (which for me is usually a misinterpretation or an oversight) remaining standard is a good place to be (God knows I hate listening to my own calls!) Mind you there isn’t much of a career path in customer service. The highest you might go could be Senior Operation Manager. Although I know I’d be perfectly capable, I choose not to even bother. For one, it’s boring, second I don’t want the responsibility. There’s only so much money can pay for, in my opinion. I’m only partially corruptable… So for many of us, Q&As, 121s, etc, are a pointless exercise. Or a box ticking exercise. Objectives much? Maybe learning a new skill or other, to ensure we keep our roles relevant.

Job browsing whilst on a permanent role

The good thing about a permanent job role is that it puts us in a good position to browse (and even apply) for jobs without the fear of losing anything. It allows us, from time to time, reassess our skills and personal objectives, and ponder on the possibility to find another job. Whether it is for more money or because it aligns with our ethics or simply because we’re looking for a more fun role. It’s a good exercise, even if it ends nowhere. Having gone through two mass redundancies in my lifetime (and been at risk of a third one), I’d like to think the last one was the charm, not to be repeated. But shit happens. And Gen X as I am, I like to be prepared for it all.

Looking for other jobs forces us to keep in touch with the job market and its current demands. It prompts us to update or brush up our CV and plan where we’d like to head on. It is disappointing to see that there are roles that have jobs descriptions that cover a multitude of tasks where we think “I could that” but then you look at the package offer and pays less than your current, or the life-work balance is not quite what we’re after. And more often than not, customer service job posts are ambiguous, not really being clear if they are looking for someone with barely any experience but a good drive or a senior professional, like me.

A senior bubbly geek

I see myself as a senior professional but with still a lot to give. I’m hoping my menopause journey actually brings refreshing new perspectives. I’m not afraid of AI, I understand its concept. I’ve always been a bit of a geek myself, but I don’t like boring geeky stuff, I’m a bubbly geek, so I’m happy to continue with my geekiness but after 5 years in my current job, I’m starting to feel a bit bored. I’m still looking for a supportive role (nothing beats the rewarding helpful feeling) but I’m starting to need aa little bit of a challenge. A manageable challenge. A fun challenge.

To prove to you that I can work with AI, I actually asked ChatGPT: “Give me a list of supportive job roles that are fun, rewarding and pay more than 35k a year” and it gave me as follows:

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As much as I like supportive roles, coaching and occupational therapist or HR, because that involves too much engagement. I like the ability to finish my working day and not feel like something was missed or deadline and targets stress. So Customer Success Manager or Tech Support Specialist (SaaS) or even Account Manager are up for consideration (and another couple I’ve seen…) but they needs to tick certain boxes. Working from the office at this stage, would be levelling down. So unless I’m forced to, I’ll keep my current hybrid format, thank you very much.

Menopausal Monday #20 & #21

#halftermholidays; #retirementtasters; #longpostalert; #holidaysnippetsincluded

Home and Away

A whole week home away from home. Delightful, to say the least. Home time for me. Migrants and travellers will understand this. There is a clear intrinsic essence in different geographical positions. I feel like the further apart those positions are, the more evident those differences are.

We can feel it in the air we breathe. It’s not only different in the atmospheric temperature but it can really feel denser, heavier or lighter. The scents also change according to where you are. It makes a lot of sense, if we think about it, that depending on our geographical position, the air we breathe is affected. As such, the type of products, the water, the vegetables, the meat we eat, all is affected. And as a result how we feel and what we become as people are affected too.

In school, I had an Philosophy teacher who had said that the world’s resources are scattered strategically. The world richest countries were allocated the resources but not the means or intel to make use of them whilst the ones with the intel did not get near as much. I suppose if this statement were true, and humankind was not of a greedy nature, it could have made the world a more balanced one, if we were more grateful with what we have, were more caring and sharing and some of our kind were not jealous of other people’s property. I reckon most of us wouldn’t move away from their native places, unless they didn’t feel “home” there. Ambition is a good quality if left uncorrupted.

As I say, holidays are nothing but a retirement taster

And here’s my not carefully curated photo dump.

That is what holidays are. The prospect of still having another dozen years of full time active life need to be counter-weighed with holidays. The ongoing irony that we need to work hard to play hard and that we spend most of our waking lives doing exatly that, so that we can have the highest quality rest or pleasure. There is something wrong with this system… It shouldn’t have to be this way.

Every holiday I come back I dream of my retirement years, when I will finally enjoy the holiday of a lifetime (or whatever is left of them). At every time we revisit, me and my partner reassess our whow we can diversify our finances over the course of the next few years and make plans on the most sustainable ways we can apply our money once our active life reaches the end, so we can eventually enjoy the much deserved rest.

London <> Lisbon <> Sesimbra <> Lisbon <> London

Spot the difference?

No matter where I travel Portugal will always be home. And leaving will always depress me for the next few days. Weeks. Maybe months… 🥹But I’ve been doing it for long enough that I have been able to cope. Admittedly, it’s getting harder, but I am still doing it for the financial security, to be able to provide for the best possible future for my children, so that they never have to struggle in life, even if ultimately it is because we are here for them (hopefully not). And of course, for an upcoming healthy, long and still fun retirement. Portugal is my carrot🥕🥰 I reckon Portugal visits will happen more in the next few years, in preparation.

Back to my active working life, current home. My joints are not appreciating the cold weather any more, nor is my life joy appreciating how depressing it makes me feel. The lack of sun has a true impact on my mood, humour and creativity. But the show and other biz must go on. I’m now going to rant about the petty extras the airline companies “offer” and how ridiculous they are. Walk with me.

Seats Reservations

This became noticeable in all the trips I have done in the past two years. When we perform the online check-in (we normally skip all the extras) there is one where we can reserve our seats for a simbolic amount, which can vary depending on which part of the airplane we wish to sit. The way we see it this is pointless for two reasons: 1) we’re all travelling to same destination 2) everytime we skipped this extra it ended up granting us seats together anyway. So as a matter of principle, this is a “skippable” extra.

Priority (or Speedy) Boarding

I find it funny that people who pay for the priority (aka speedy) boarding seem to look down on the rest of the passengers as if they were VIP, not realising that 1) they will be standing for longer in the queue – keen to show off that they could afford to pay more for the same purpose – 2) only to be sitting in the airplane for a short amount of time, as the airplane will not depart without the remaining of the passengers boarding. An incredible waste of money. But I guess in today’s consumerism trend, money can just be chucked out, as there’s more where that came from.

I so much more prefer to remain sitting in the waiting area and be the last ones to board, when everybody is seated, as no one’s in our way i.e. to put our bags in the top compartments and it costs me less. How is that not mindblowing? 🤯😂

Best airport security experience EVER

The whole trip just flown both ways. Barely any time getting through (even thouhg I had an underaged child with me, which meant I had to get through a different queue to the other two members). Absolutely amazing experience! But that was also due to the fact that we all had an European Passport. The EU is definitely not making UK travellers’lives easy…

Themselves

What’s something most people don’t understand?

We live our lives following and pleasing others, missing the point on what makes us unique and most deeply interconnected.

Avoiding silence is easier than listening to our inner voices, the ones that actually belong. The fear to know and understand ourselves is often stronger than our wish to be. Yes, disappointment is a risk. But so is success and happiness.

Not often enough

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

I must say it becomes easier as we get old, as you lose the need to please everybody or, like me, you’re beggining your menopause journey so you don’t give as many fucks.

At work I am starting to see the power of saying “no” or at least not saying “yes” at face value. That is a form of saying “no” too.

However parenting nowadays is an area where we’re seen as abusive if we say “no” often, even if we know it is for a greater good.

Confidently saying “no” is a work in progress.

Menopausal Monday #19

#parenting; #rantalert; #parentrant; #parentalabuse; #byemonday #genxornothereicome

Monday. It’s done and gone. Yesterday however, was an eventful one. After our argument with our youngest teenager, I now absolutely agree that I don’t understand him. Parents and schools have been stripped of what authority they had left to discipline children. They effectively rule the world right now. I am against child abuse but when does “parental abuse” gains its deserving place? It is very real! When parents have run out of any reasonable negotiation tactics (N-E-G-O-T-I-A-T-I-O-N! With a child!) and they reject the manipulative approach (because that is simply not the right way to raise a responsible, decent human being), and the teens abuse our trust, time and time again, truly believing everything they have is theirs for the taking and no one should even dare to ask for anything in return (in their mind the natural status of a human being is regardlessly entitled), what do you make of that?

Monthly allowance: all we ask of him is to be a decent house mate, to keep his bedroom tidy, to clear the table when we finish, hoover the stairs every weekend and alternate with us to walk Bonnie. He stopped walking her (“boring”, “couldn’t be bothered”). So I cut the allowance in half and told him that if he wanted to make extra, he had to ask for tasks we may or may not have available for him to execute. We wanted to make it clear that he couldn’t just pick and choose the chore AND time that was convenient to him for this, otherwise it won’t be a chore (he did try that a couple of times).

Packed lunch: I used to prepare a lunch pack for him, being really loving, it always looked really healthy and pretty, and what did he do? He’d forget he even had it. If I couldn’t get the chance to make it one day, when I did I’d find the lunch I had prep’d two days before (meaning it lived in his backpack for the last two days!). So I stopped making it. I’d remind him every day to put it together, but he also could not be bothered. On one of our last parents evenings, we were told he’d said at one occasion he didn’t have lunch because I wouldn’t make it for him (as if I’m forcing him into school without a packed lunch!) Now, if he wants to take one, he needs to remember and prepare it himself.

Tech and WIFI: The time he spends on tech has been increasing at a higher speed than the one we conceded his sister. But in his mind, he should have the same, even if they have a four year gap. Now, this can be a hard call to make. As parents we should have the authority to manage this, and although we do, currently there is a grey area on the time that is reasonable for children his age to be exposed to technology. How do we reach the right balance between the amount of tech they should be having (so that they do not feel like they’re missing out or isolated, and many experts also believe it’s not beneficial for its removal to be used as a form of punishment); and at the same time it is not absurdly high, leaving them open to harmful content or bullying for longer?

I used to be very impatient. But that mellowed out over the years and I’d like to think my patience is now way more moderate than it used to be. But when I make an agreement, I expect the other party to fulfill their share, the same as I do mine. How many unsuccessful agreements (with renegotiations in between, to make the arrangements more flexible (for the other party), must a parent endure before moving on to other options?

After our argument he said we are being abusive and that although he doesn’t want to go live with dad in Portugal, he also doesn’t feel happy with us. So I gave him the option, since he didn’t agree (and none of the ongoing support he’s being provided appears to be enough) for him to call the Police, and he responded: “Yes”, so I gave him my phone. And he did it.

What a ridiculous point our society reached where we don’t have plans in place to deal with or the freedom to manage our family relationships the way only us, THE FAMILY (who lives and deals with the whole family dynamic ON A DAILY BASIS) could see is fit?

Interactions with teenagers can be dangerous, they can be easily left open to interpretation. They’re very dangerous creatures! I never thought I’d see the world being ran by children. Yet lo and behold. How can we make make them accountable for their actions nowadays? Now leaving things to follow its course.

Menopausal Monday #18

#mothersday

Living 2,000 Km away from my parents, as an only child, can hinder my ability to support them. When I decided to emigrate to the UK twenty years ago, I didn’t think about my extended future and how that could one day affect my ability to be present when my support could be important.

They (particularly my mum) is always thinking of us. She will know everything that’s happening near us even before we find out: what the weather like, what’s happened, what’s up and coming. She could be our NI: Naturaly Intelligence 😂 Instead of spending time planning fun activities to do, they’ll be too worried that the money they’re spending in themselves could be going towards us. Too much, right? I keep tellingn them to schedule a week away somewhere (they don’t even need to travel abroad, if they don’t feel comfortable to), just somewhere else in the country. God knows it is refreshing to spend time with a different view surrounding us.

My parents lived all their lives pretty much in function of each other. My mum more than my dad, of course, as a wife and mother. How hard can it be to reverse that fifty years later. I hate the belief that older people cannot change. Unless they specifically refuse to, they can change. I’d like to believe I can still change something in me, if I wanted to.

My dad is a very sociable creature. My mum is the exact opposite. She struggles to tust people. While my dad will always give people the benefit of the doubt, once you cross my mum that’s it. There’s no going back. And her experience will turn into protective rules. My dad keeps and makes new friends every few years. My mum has pretty much been refusing to socialise without my dad, which makes it harder for her because she does not get to have time with people when he’s not around. She gets no “ME” time, in a way, because every social interaction she makes rely on his presence, either because he’s the one driving or because she chooses not to go anywhere without him.

Now, I know (and she complaints about it) that she’s often unhappy with this because sometimes she relies on him too much, in a way that it ruins her plans. I’m now trying to convince her to start creating time to do her own things, where he’s not always there. It is, in a way, a toxic relationship. She cannot tell that she’s in it, it just developed and built up that way naturally over time, hence you can’t correct something that you cannot see is wrong. It’s easily done for women in more Latin cultures.

This means that my dad goes out to meet his mates many times and she doesn’t go with him because they’re all men and tend to meet in one of his mates’s car garage, and have men talks, which obvisouly she’s not interested in, so stays home. But finds nothing of her own to do, she’ll be making up house chores or watching a bit of TV or sometimes reading. But none of these activities involve a third party.

I probably should have already offered her some direction a while back but life gets busy and I may have missed a few opportunities to be honest, but I want to make it up to them. To my mum especially. We had a good chat and I need to be careful with my advice because my mum will be very wary of taking it if it means she will become fully independent from my dad, as in their minds this inter-dependence is what makes their relationship stand. So I’m starting to try to make her see that it’s ok to have hobbies and time doing things she enjoys, that he doesn’t need to join in for.

Yes, it’s good to schedule and do things together as a couple, but also important to schedule time for herself. They can still continue with their daily walks together and other outings. I told her to enrol in a Pilates or Yoga class, so that she’s doing something on her own and, at the same time, putting herself out there, susceptible to socialising and make some new friends. I had to brainwash her to convince her that gym classes are not only for young people, that she will find people her age and older there, that going to the gym IS NORMAL. But I also had convince her that she needs to go through the whole journey on her own (from contacting the gym to actually going in). I had to make her see that she still is a fully functioning adult on her own, that she CAN do things without my father’s permission.

Just two weeks down the line, she keeps going and she’s enjoying it. I don’t think she was expecting that. I am really happy to see our chat is paying off. Sometimes it’s all it takes: a chat. She doesn’t really speak and opens up to anybody else but my dad or her sister, and their thought processes can often be old fashioned. I know she values my views.

The title might be a bit blunt in terms of the reality of relationships but this is what happens. And it is our duty to honour our position. They were there for me when I couldn’t fend for myself yet, it’s only fair I try and do the same.

Happy Monday!

The Lemon Tree Square

I was born there, lived there for two years and hovered around it for another 18. The “Largo do Limoeiro” as per its original name (only translated) is located in what is known today as one of the main Lisbon reference neighbourhoods. Overlooking Alfama, fado birthplace, the Portuguese key song genre.

It was also my grandparents place until they passed. It was an old building right in the main square.

3rd floor of the old house

I can still smell the old wooden cricky stairs going up. No lift, barely any light, just three flights of quirky stairs. The whole building was quirky. It never made much sense to me how it was originally projected, the entrance to each part of the building doesn’t really naturally flow. It’s actually surprising that it is still standing…

I have vivid memories of me on that left side window throwing rice at the pidgeons on the roof top that we oversaw, whilst my grandfather rolled up one of his Drum cigarettes next to me. And yes, I can still remember the smell of that nasty thing…

The old Lemon Tree prison across the road (which I never knew as a prison but as a Law Studies’ Centre, across the road saw students going in and coming out every day. It could get really busy, cars parked everywhere on the road. Lisbon is known for the constant struggle for a road that accommodates trams, when people often desperately park their cars inconsiderately, and sometimes too close for a tram to get through. Beautiful, old, narrow roads, made with a combination of basalt tiles and tarmac (I guess the tiles are a higher maintenance in cost), but not prepared for so much traffic at any one time.

Loved peaking out the window at the back, being able to see other houses back yards, and underneath. Sometimes I would peak around dinner time (when I stayed over) and still remember listening to people giggling and the live music coming from the restaurant/bar in the ground floor. And yes, I could smell the food, through a warm ventilation brise…

I lived there for another year, on my first year at Uni. At the time there were only living there my grandparents and my olders aunt, who never married. Worked for the St. Anthony’s Church, nearby, basically does all the admin and assistance to the priests and sisters in the church. Also looked after the church shop. My mom told me she got her heart broken when she was young and decided to never marry or get involved with another man again. And she didn’t. She took refuge in religion and loved her nieces and nephews as her own.

Unfortunately that also made her a very obcessive, controlling and bitter person. After a year at Uni and having found a new job, my boyfriend at the time and I decided to rent a house together. I needed the freedom and wanted to leave in good terms. I would still go and visit, check on my grandparents, but never stayed there again…

Menopausal Monday #17

#mondayshouldbeoptional

Funny week this one was. Finding out my son is being victim of bullying really put things in perspective for me. I always said I would stand by my children if it ever happened. But my idea of standing up was a little different than the standing up I’m actually doing right now. In my mind I envisioned telling the other kids off and maybe address their parents about it. But that’s a far cry from what I’m able to do. Obviously that was the only scenario that played in mind and I never really delved that deep into it because I always hoped that would never happen to my kids.

What I selfishly didn’t account for was their personal perspective. Where I would before thought defending would be what they looked from me, that is not the case. Bullying is much more complex than that. It is a bi-product of today’s school social dynamic. One that might not be easily resolved by a third party. All we can do is try. But there are no guarantees of what outcome could come of it.

Children (and especially teenagers) have their social role in the school organics. Duringg this period of their lives, they are battling themselves and others about where they should actually be sitting and whether it feels natural and they genuinely identify with. Bullying might act as a filter, as the way each child reacts will have an impact in their personality and future. In the end t’s all about facing it (or not). I am however, trying to find some common ground between the two responses without damaging his future attitude about it.

There is fear of naming the other child and the possible retaliations, and there is a misplaced fear of judgement. After a good few weeks of enquiry attempts, he finally opened up. He named the child and offered an overview of the situation. If in one hand I was relieved, on the other hand I was hesitant on which next steps should be taken. One thing I was sure: I could not break the trust he just deposited in me.

No, I couldn’t just wait for the other kid outside school when they finish and counter-bully. And talking to the parents would require disclosure of their son’s actions without hard proof. I put myself in their shoes… But, if it was the other way around, if this was my son who was the bully, (even without hard proof) I think I’d still like to be told and confront hime about it. This is me, as a mum.

Bullying is also a stigma for schools too, who don’t wish to neither have to deal with or have it in their records. All they can do is to ensure the children’s safety. A frustrating role, I must say, with the current legal authority that has been granted to the children, against adults. A line should be drawn between what is deemed child abuse and essential education. I don’t think our society (world!) will be safe at the hands of children… Oh man, Mondays should really be optional… If the week was a tunnel, I’d go cross between Friday to Friday 😂

Menopausal Monday #16

#everybodyhurts

And while the world is grieving with the consequences of wars and unprecedented corruption, life still goes on. It’s again a case of letting things take its course. As the REM used to sing: “Everybody hurts”.

Around Notts this weekend to spend some time with our Uni-bound child (or as much bound as possible, to keep the adulting going). Things are starting to look up for her and we really don’t want to disturb that.

Instead we paid the visit and she took us on a tour around the city and reserved a table at the Revolución de Cuba. So we can scratch it off our Notts restaurant list. The food was a little bit more plain than I’d like but the classic decadent atmosphere compensated. It sure did bring me teenager memories of when I used to attend the annual communist fest in Portugal. Everybody was welcome, we didn’t need to be communist to join. If you want to get a taste for what the countries linked to this political ideology have to offer, that’s the place to go.

Among several stages in the area, we could also get a taste of the iconic Cuban music like Compay Segundo. At the time, we were regularly listening to Manu Chao and the Orishas, more modern Castillan/Cuban music with that El General never got to hear. Memories help washing over the grief, as does the reassurance and gratitude that we are all safe, alive and well. Have a listen 👌

Everything happens for a reason

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

I believe there is a set time for events to occur. And they only occur when we’re ready. Whether that is meeting someone, choosing a path or just waiting. The premise that there are things we cannot control plays an prominent role in that. It’s hard to believe because it makes life easy, and the belief that life must be hard to be worth it is deeply enrooted in humankind. Life can be easy, we just need it to take its natural course.