Menopausal Monday #19

#parenting; #rantalert; #parentrant; #parentalabuse; #byemonday #genxornothereicome

Monday. It’s done and gone. Yesterday however, was an eventful one. After our argument with our youngest teenager, I now absolutely agree that I don’t understand him. Parents and schools have been stripped of what authority they had left to discipline children. They effectively rule the world right now. I am against child abuse but when does “parental abuse” gains its deserving place? It is very real! When parents have run out of any reasonable negotiation tactics (N-E-G-O-T-I-A-T-I-O-N! With a child!) and they reject the manipulative approach (because that is simply not the right way to raise a responsible, decent human being), and the teens abuse our trust, time and time again, truly believing everything they have is theirs for the taking and no one should even dare to ask for anything in return (in their mind the natural status of a human being is regardlessly entitled), what do you make of that?

Monthly allowance: all we ask of him is to be a decent house mate, to keep his bedroom tidy, to clear the table when we finish, hoover the stairs every weekend and alternate with us to walk Bonnie. He stopped walking her (“boring”, “couldn’t be bothered”). So I cut the allowance in half and told him that if he wanted to make extra, he had to ask for tasks we may or may not have available for him to execute. We wanted to make it clear that he couldn’t just pick and choose the chore AND time that was convenient to him for this, otherwise it won’t be a chore (he did try that a couple of times).

Packed lunch: I used to prepare a lunch pack for him, being really loving, it always looked really healthy and pretty, and what did he do? He’d forget he even had it. If I couldn’t get the chance to make it one day, when I did I’d find the lunch I had prep’d two days before (meaning it lived in his backpack for the last two days!). So I stopped making it. I’d remind him every day to put it together, but he also could not be bothered. On one of our last parents evenings, we were told he’d said at one occasion he didn’t have lunch because I wouldn’t make it for him (as if I’m forcing him into school without a packed lunch!) Now, if he wants to take one, he needs to remember and prepare it himself.

Tech and WIFI: The time he spends on tech has been increasing at a higher speed than the one we conceded his sister. But in his mind, he should have the same, even if they have a four year gap. Now, this can be a hard call to make. As parents we should have the authority to manage this, and although we do, currently there is a grey area on the time that is reasonable for children his age to be exposed to technology. How do we reach the right balance between the amount of tech they should be having (so that they do not feel like they’re missing out or isolated, and many experts also believe it’s not beneficial for its removal to be used as a form of punishment); and at the same time it is not absurdly high, leaving them open to harmful content or bullying for longer?

I used to be very impatient. But that mellowed out over the years and I’d like to think my patience is now way more moderate than it used to be. But when I make an agreement, I expect the other party to fulfill their share, the same as I do mine. How many unsuccessful agreements (with renegotiations in between, to make the arrangements more flexible (for the other party), must a parent endure before moving on to other options?

After our argument he said we are being abusive and that although he doesn’t want to go live with dad in Portugal, he also doesn’t feel happy with us. So I gave him the option, since he didn’t agree (and none of the ongoing support he’s being provided appears to be enough) for him to call the Police, and he responded: “Yes”, so I gave him my phone. And he did it.

What a ridiculous point our society reached where we don’t have plans in place to deal with or the freedom to manage our family relationships the way only us, THE FAMILY (who lives and deals with the whole family dynamic ON A DAILY BASIS) could see is fit?

Interactions with teenagers can be dangerous, they can be easily left open to interpretation. They’re very dangerous creatures! I never thought I’d see the world being ran by children. Yet lo and behold. How can we make make them accountable for their actions nowadays? Now leaving things to follow its course.