Menopausal Monday #17

#mondayshouldbeoptional

Funny week this one was. Finding out my son is being victim of bullying really put things in perspective for me. I always said I would stand by my children if it ever happened. But my idea of standing up was a little different than the standing up I’m actually doing right now. In my mind I envisioned telling the other kids off and maybe address their parents about it. But that’s a far cry from what I’m able to do. Obviously that was the only scenario that played in mind and I never really delved that deep into it because I always hoped that would never happen to my kids.

What I selfishly didn’t account for was their personal perspective. Where I would before thought defending would be what they looked from me, that is not the case. Bullying is much more complex than that. It is a bi-product of today’s school social dynamic. One that might not be easily resolved by a third party. All we can do is try. But there are no guarantees of what outcome could come of it.

Children (and especially teenagers) have their social role in the school organics. Duringg this period of their lives, they are battling themselves and others about where they should actually be sitting and whether it feels natural and they genuinely identify with. Bullying might act as a filter, as the way each child reacts will have an impact in their personality and future. In the end t’s all about facing it (or not). I am however, trying to find some common ground between the two responses without damaging his future attitude about it.

There is fear of naming the other child and the possible retaliations, and there is a misplaced fear of judgement. After a good few weeks of enquiry attempts, he finally opened up. He named the child and offered an overview of the situation. If in one hand I was relieved, on the other hand I was hesitant on which next steps should be taken. One thing I was sure: I could not break the trust he just deposited in me.

No, I couldn’t just wait for the other kid outside school when they finish and counter-bully. And talking to the parents would require disclosure of their son’s actions without hard proof. I put myself in their shoes… But, if it was the other way around, if this was my son who was the bully, (even without hard proof) I think I’d still like to be told and confront hime about it. This is me, as a mum.

Bullying is also a stigma for schools too, who don’t wish to neither have to deal with or have it in their records. All they can do is to ensure the children’s safety. A frustrating role, I must say, with the current legal authority that has been granted to the children, against adults. A line should be drawn between what is deemed child abuse and essential education. I don’t think our society (world!) will be safe at the hands of children… Oh man, Mondays should really be optional… If the week was a tunnel, I’d go cross between Friday to Friday 😂